Loss

Sometimes when a man faces the saddest moments of his life, it is impossible to understand what it is that grieves a man the most. Is it the loss of someone or something he loves or is it the feeling, the realisation that he cannot even express his love? Many a times, one fails to even understand the value of relations while they exist. That is the time when one is in reality in loss, because such a person loses not just the loved one but also the opportunity to be kind and loving while there was time. It is a much greater loss when one has everything but time. Time to love, to give, to share. And that is the biggest loss.

You

And all my tears speak of the pain that your parting caused me
And every breath that I take reminds me of my painful existence
And every time I close my eyes I see your face and cry within
And every morning I try to figure out in my life some sense
And yet, again and again I cry out loud, calling your name aloud
And yet as I know that I am all alone I feel you deep inside
Somehow it seems that you ceased to be around me anymore
And now it is my shattered heart where you have come to reside

Sochta hoon main yahan aksar

Yeh dil mein kuch khaali sa kya hai

Iss beparwah si zindagi mein

Yeh kuch ajab sa khoya khoya kya hai

Raat ki tanhaaiyon mein bhi

Jaane kuch udaas sa kya hai

Chalte chalte raahon mein

Dhundhla sa ek saaya kya hai

Another futile attempt

Many more days searching for that perfect house passed and we finally found a place that we could call our own. A place, that was according to our taste, our expectations. And I started imagining our future life there.
And then, the thought of leaving our comfortable place freaked me out…….shifting, packing, changing address, and settling down in a whole new place, in a whole new way. And the biggest thought haunting me was of leaving the place I had first arrived at after my wedding. And so we thought over it and made some quick decisions and then reverted and then again went back.
And then we lost that place………and somebody else got it because we waited for my emotions to settle down……….
And so, that means another search, another day and a whole, new agenda. Maybe, I should try to be a little less emotional, something very difficult for me, for I have always been so emotional, with my heart ruling my mind and never being able to decide something, anything.
Maybe, we should begin afresh……..and search for our new place yet again………

Oh, how much I miss you

When all my dreams are dreams of you
And my thoughts no longer in my hold
When I move towards an uncertain path
As my life’s mysteries unfold
And I think of the time when you were here
And I was not so lone and sad
And when my eyes not so misty
And when my heart was so glad
And yet, oh time, oh time, oh time
It flies away and never returns
And I am left alone here, while you
Have gone to the land of no return

Children of dark

It is impossible to look at their smile and ignore them, when they look at you with their innocent eyes. But somehow, somewhere in that innocence is mixed a question of their anguish of their sufferings, a question though innocent is dominant in their existence as much as it is in the existence of the onlookers. What was the fault of these children that they are left to fend for themselves by roadside with their lives, their future lost in darkness? What is the reason that they exist yet they do not matter for those around them? Why was their birth a reason of sorrow and not of joy like millions of children born in privilege? Why is their life full of hunger, struggle, sorrow and strain? Who are these children of darkness, dressed in rags that appear in the daylight and then melt away in the all engulfing darkness?

Valley of flowers

And deep in the valley of flowers, where we lay-

Thinking of the future unknown,

Dreaming of the love we share,

And we lay, oblivious of our surroundings,

Of what lay ahead waiting for us.

We never cared of what went past,

Or what that was passing by.

So deep in love we were there,

That nothing else in the world did matter.

But how, oh how, that bubble burst,

And how we ended up alone and

All our dreams came to naught,

And that carelessness turned into tears of angst,

Miseries surrounded from everywhere.

Ah, where is that valley of flowers,

Where those careless days?

Where are the dreams, the hopes, the joy,

Where have they all vanished in the mist?

A billion fireflies

Many a times, while travelling by air at night at the time of landing as well as takeoff I look out of the window and marvel at the scene around me. The billions of glistening pin-point lights take my breath away and I am left wondering about them. Above, below and all around me, I see just big, small, white, yellow twinkling lights, lights whether man-made or the lamps of heavens look back at me. I wonder whether what I see below are manmade lights or is it that the earth has started mirroring the skies above? Even the moon looks like one hung from a string for a children’s play. What is it and where I go, I am yet to discover. All I know is that I get surrounded by billions of glistening fireflies, twinkling and disappearing in the darkness…….



Life

Like a beautiful butterfly, life just moves on, sometimes flying high above, rising in glory, sometimes nesting in a dark place.

And times flies away, we are left thinking about the past memories, still fresh in the summer breeze, or maybe the gentle sunrays kissing face.

The time spent with friends, pranks and mischief, the gentle, pure hearts, burning with a desire to help each other……..the fights that always ended in tears and a stronger bond of love.

The time spent with parents, once dependant on them and then moving away………..some regrets but even more beautiful memories.

The time spent in school, in college, job………..each wishing to move to the next as well as the last, thinking those are better than the present, but nevertheless, creating beautiful memories.

Yes, life is beautiful, like a butterfly, like a firefly……..bright at one moment, dark at the other……..but light and color get their glory from the intermittent darkness………yes, life is beautiful.

Ah

Is it all a waste, this life and everything in it?

When relationships speak of nothing but tears

And simple words easily misunderstood

Why is it that people who should matter the most, count the least?

What is it that keeps one going on?

Is it just the desire to live or lack of power to end it all?

Why it hurts, the way it hurts, why fear love so much?

Why is it easier to give presents than giving smiles?

And hoping against hope for a miracle to happen

When the heart is wound up in a knot

It hurts, yes, it hurts

It hurts when one is misunderstood

It hurts when love remains unrequited

It hurts and it all feels like a waste

It seems like a lot of words with meaning lost

A wind without a sense of direction

It seems like a waste

Ah, what a waste!

Lost

Walking down the street,

Sometimes I think, where my dreams have disappeared,

Where is the person I used to be once?

What has happened to those carefree laughs?

Where have the ambitions gone?

What happened to all the beautiful thoughts,

That had filled my mind, my dreams?

Why is it that in the struggle to survive,

I have ceased to live?

Why is it that in order to prove myself,

I have lost myself?

Hurt

Deeper and deeper the piercing pain,

Goes to the very depth of the heart

And strikes at the most vulnerable spot

Causing a grief difficult to forget

Even when long time passes

Even when different seasons come

Even when new friends are made

And old move away-

It is difficult to forget the one,

Who was the closest and whose parting caused the deepest grief.

Love

Gates of heaven are closed for the man with pride

Heaven or hell as places are immaterial..........what matters is the proximity to the One who loves you above all

Those in heaven are closest to the Lord having opened their hearts to Him....those in hell are deaf and blind.........

Love cannot enter where pride resides

Love means ultimate sacrifice of self.....

Love is never for a person...........

Other human beings, animate and inanimate things are just a medium to Him

You cannot reach Lord without passing through other hearts and souls

Because He is here, there, everywhere

You love a person, because your soul tries to find the Lord in that person's soul

And Lord will show His love through that or another soul

Many a times when we are rejected by the one we love....it’s because our Lord has chosen to show us something else, to give us even greater love........

You are not supposed to get love in return

You are only supposed to love

Against corruption!

I wish people can understand that the only way to stop corruption is to stop being corrupt themselves.........something that they will never do........we feed the snake and then cry when it bites.........all I know is that we cannot clap with just a single hand……corruption is there, because we support it for our own selfish needs

If one really wants to stop this evil, then one needs to change oneself…….it is very easy to attend protest marches, shout slogans, blame the system, but it is very difficult to change ourselves, very difficult to speak the truth specially when the truth is against us

If one really wants to fight corruption, then one should:

Stop cheating in exams or appearing in them when one’s attendance is less than seventy percent or get proxy attendance marked

Stop spitting in public places, stop throwing garbage on roads

Stop giving money to the traffic constable when stopped for speeding, jumping signals, tripling on bikes, not wearing helmets/seatbelts, drunken driving, parking at a no parking zone or violating any other traffic rule

Stop giving money to the police officer at the time of enquiry for getting passport

Stop breaking rules

Public smoking is an offence, stop doing it

Stop female infanticide/feticide and getting sex determination test done (again an unlawful act)

Stop giving money to the clerks for getting our work done at college/university/different offices (work like getting documents, mark sheets, things that we have a legal claim to)

Stop a fight at some public place

Stop and actually attend to some accident victim

Stop and help some hungry/needy person

Stop taking and/or offering dowry

Stop giving false information so as to suit our interests

Stop discrimination on the basis of sex, caste, class, religion, region, race, place of birth

Stop being lazy at work and start meeting deadlines

Stop playing games on internet during work hours in office

Stop claiming funds/ scholarships that are undeserved, by giving false information

Stop getting assured work done in courts

Stop taking commissions from companies for endorsing their product/services, if the same are substandard

Stop misusing official powers

Stop being a mute spectator when somebody’s rights are being infringed, somebody is being physically, emotionally, psychologically abused

Stop child labor and child abuse

Stop environmental damage, cruelty to animals, felling of trees, pollution

Stop the violation of rights of women, children, old people, minorities, refugees, indigenous people, and other vulnerable groups

Stop injustice

And the list goes on………..

This is just the tip of the iceberg and one needs to stop and think on what is right and what is wrong and then take a conscientious decision………. And stop neglecting one’s duty as a responsible human being…….

Freedom.......

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high

Where knowledge is free

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments

By narrow domestic walls

Where words come out from the depth of truth

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way

Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit

Where the mind is led forward by thee

Into ever-widening thought and action

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

-Rabindra Nath Tagore

.......on the eve of the Independence Day, I feel that this prayer still needs to be answered as much as it did when it was written..........

Unless and until we stop being slaves of castism, communism, regionalism, illiteracy, elitism, selfishness, (corruption is just a byproduct of these), we cannot be called truly free..........

..........it’s like Mahatma Gandhi said......be the change you want to see in this world......

If we improve ourselves...........we will make this world a better place............

One small step taken towards removing darkness goes a long way in bringing about light.........

One should never underestimate oneself..........be a one man army..............others will follow your lead............

a simple logic...........it’s my nation, it’s my duty to see that my nation's honor is upheld, it’s my responsibility that my fellow citizens are able to dream big.............it’s my love, it’s my honor, it’s my job........

No use blaming others........one should stand by one's ideals.........

Only once we are aware and willing to act on our duties, that we can truly be called liberated citizens…….

Happy Independence Day

A day for sibling revelry, a day for love

When we celebrate the special bond between siblings, why does our love end with our own family, when we all know about the concept of universal brotherhood? Why is our love restricted with our family, our community, our nation or our species? Isn’t it better if we move beyond borders, beyond all restrictions and love not just our close ones, but everyone, every single living being?

The only satisfying love that one can have is for God, the only way we can love God is by loving all His creations. Loving not just the human race but also all the plants and animals, every soul that breathes on this earth. Love is something deeper and more meaningful than any other emotion and it has the power to purify our hearts, our souls. Let this love spread all over us and let us celebrate this bond of love that we share with the entire mankind and the entire universe. Let us embrace one and all, let ourselves dissolve in the universal oneness and become part of the greater truth. For we all are parts of the same, let us be part of each other’s joys and sorrows, sharing and caring, loving each other. Let us just love, love beyond any inhibition.

A day for friends

Its again friendship day, a day when we wish our friends, we party hard, we have fun with those special people who have added spice to our lives. Yet there are many who have lost their friends or are so sad in their lives that they don’t have the will to celebrate this day.

Yet, friendship is something to be cherished, the most beautiful flower in the Kingdom of God. With love and trust as its building stones, there is nothing stronger, more pure like a true friendship.

Friends are not just are school buddies, our playmates but they are those special people who come in our lives to make it beautiful. They help us, they support us, and they are with us whenever we need them. We find friends amongst our schoolmates, our colleagues, our families and even in perfect strangers, for a friend is anyone who is with us when we need them the most. And they are the ones who have made our lives meaningful. They stand behind us as we proceed, they extend their hands when we fall, they wipe our tears and offer us shoulder, and they are an equal in our joys and sorrows.

Friendship is a relationship to cherish and blessed are those, who have many friends.

On this friendship day like many others, remembering Vivek Chatterjee (born: valentine’s day, died: friendship day, head boy 1994-95 batch) --- may his soul rest in peace
This friendship day, let us pray for our friends who are sad, who are sick, who are no longer in touch, who have left us forever........wherever they are, in this world or the next...........let us pray for all our friends and their families, all their near and dear ones.........
And let us pray for those who do not have friends, who have no idea what love and friendship is......

Happy Friendship Day

Love dies a silent death

When it enters, it is full of glory, like a maddening passion, an obsession is love. With restless hours and pounding heart, it conquers the senses and is difficult to hide. However, when the short term targets are achieved, this very love, that was once the be all and end all, changes into indifference of attitude, some simple neglects, some idleness in temperament. Some lethargy replaces those anxious moments which had once filled the hearts of lovers. The eyes that once had longed for a vision become so indifferent to the daily sights that they no longer bother to even look. The moments that once saw silent nothings being whispered in ears change into those full of short tempered retorts and these gradually become a daily routine. And love that was once all fire and passion ceases to be the reason of existence. Yes, love dies a silent death.

Where lost in the daily chores, nobody cares for love, yet somehow, somewhere, it waits to revive. It needs an effort to bring it back, a chance happening, a misfortune sometimes.

Yes, love dies a silent death, the love that was affectionate, so passionate. And yet there remains something deeper in the flesh that time cannot kill a feeling so deep yet so simple that it is ignored like the simple facts of daily life. Yes, this feeling is deeper and stronger than love and it remains deep inside, hidden from all, while love dies a silent death.

Songs of agony

Is it that I’m going mad?

Or is it just that I’m sad?

Lying restless on my bed

Thinking of the days with dread

Hoping against hope of pleasure

Searching for memories to treasure

Is it that I’m going mad?

Or is it just that I’m sad?

Wishing for some bright sunshine

Asking for some hopeful lines

Clinging to the dreams of love

Ah, yes, the dreams of love!

Is it that I’m going mad?

Or is it just that I’m sad?

Hoping for some loving caress

Or touch of hands, nevertheless

Where was I wrong, what I missed?

Why the thoughts are so mixed?

Is it that I’m going mad?

Or is it just that I’m sad?

Musings

We meet lots of people in our life, some we like, some we don’t, but it is better to accept them as you accept the change in seasons

It’s a part of life having its own impact but still it’s not what your life centers around

Acceptance doesn't mean making them an integral part of your existence........it means learning to coexist side by side........changing yourself a bit, changing them a bit...........overall trying to improve yourself and them as well.......

Of course it’s not easy to accept strangers in your life or to change yourself in accordance but attempts can be made

Of course I myself am a very inflexible person........so it’s not easy for me to practice all that I preach but still it is necessary that positive attempts are taken in that direction

However to decide what is correct and what is not is definitely not easy...........but steps need to be taken for our actions have a very complicated impact on the entire universe.......and it’s not easy to say how the events will take a turn

Trying to be a better person failing nevertheless but still striving hard............its life

It’s just life and it’s all we have got

To make it or to break it is in our hands it all depends on how we act in particular circumstances

Sometimes misunderstandings happen n sometimes we are too proud to admit our mistake

And pride is the biggest relationship breaker

Unfortunately there are too many regretful incidents in my life

And it’s not easy to accept, to change

It takes an effort

And sometimes a person is too weak to accept, but too proud to admit

There are so many things I regret but regret is just a waste of breath

We generally tend to tell people things, to preach them things that may or may not help them but in preaching, we learn from them, discover our own selves, discover some hidden meanings

And yes, we do learn more when we teach

Dilemma

No matter how much I try to forget

Again and again I think of you

Lost deep in your memories

My heart just goes over to you

Feelings left unshared, unexpressed

Find a way to control my mind

Whenever I try to move away from you

It is towards you that my paths do wind

While you shine in the bright light

I am lost fighting my devils inside

While you have all the hopes and joys

All the darkness is on my side

Trying to be free but stuck in the past

The steps I take don’t take me forward

Tangled in the vicious circle

My life just moves ahead and backwards

Going on

With stinging eyes and broken heart,

With hurt that tears me apart,

Full of grief but with a sad smile,

I just move on to cover the mile

You

With a burning desire to be with you, I beg of you to come back to me,

To be with you is all I wish, to be your true love is all I dream

Hoping to walk those fertile lands, to watch the rising sun with you,

To be in your arms when the wild wind blows and the birds scream.

When the mountains are kissed by the first rays of glory,

I want to dream on the dream of hope and beauty,

When innocent hearts are joined together in a prayer of forgiveness,

I want to be a part of the cherished bounty.

When roads are a mere shadow of trees basking in the moonlit glory,

I want to walk down the paths that lead to happy beginnings,

When the innocence of the first snow purifies the hearts,

I want to warm myself and bury myself in a world forgiving.

When the gentle rain trickles down the silvery veins of oaks,

I wish to lie down and soak in the freshness of moist earth,

When the first daisies put out their brave faces towards the world,

I want to be a part of the celebrations, of all the mirth.

Desire

take me, my love, to the cherished land;

the land of peace where we no longer weep:

hold me in your arms to keep me safe;

not afraid to show that feeling so deep.

where none but you can come close to me;

you hold my hand and whisper to me:

and be with me in the everlasting bliss;

even when life's last breath departs from me.

In search of that perfect house

Finding a perfect house is like finding heaven on earth and we also set out in search of that perfection. Visiting different localities, entering various flats that house families, that are willing to leave it for good, or else meeting builders and brokers and taking a look at the model houses became a weekend routine for us.

Somehow, I find it easier to adjust to the atmosphere of a newly constructed house as compared to one which has already housed people for somehow, a house tends to imbibe the characteristics, the traits of the occupants who had made it their home, because although a house has just walls and roof, a home has a personality of its own, a personality which is more or less a reflection of its occupant’s personality that they leave behind as they vacate it. A house more or less speak of the ways of the people, it remembers them and is somehow more loyal to them. Maybe it is easier to pick up a new canvas and start a new painting than to change an existing one.

So there we were, hot and tired on a summer afternoon, visiting new projects, in search of our dream house, liking some, discarding others and at the same time worrying about our finances. Whether to take loan and, if yes, then how much and what about repayment became a dominant question in our minds. Besides it all we also have to see if we approach through a broker, how much he will burn a hole in our pocket.

Though unable to find our dream coming true as yet, we are still hopeful that one day we will find a place that we can call our own and then all our efforts, all our wanderings will be rightly paid off.

Longings

Ah, my love, where have you gone?

Come and listen to my silent prayers

Come and hold me once again

Take me over the rivers and moors

Over the land to the skies above

Or deep, deep down to the ocean's heart

Sing with me our sad, old song

And never again let us go apart

The fading mountains

 

When I moved into my new fifth floor apartment, I was attracted to a sight that moved my senses. The view of mountains from my balcony was enough to give me so much pleasure that I loved to spend more and more of my time in my balcony, sitting, standing, tending my plants or just doing nothing. Then slowly, as the time passed, I got oblivious to my surroundings and the mountains which had so caressed my senses faded away in the distance. Now, when I had some time to think, I realized the significance of the fading mountains, how they seemed farther and farther and became almost invisible. And I understood that it is not just the mountains that faded away from my sight, it’s the same with many other things, whether human relations or material things. When they are new, we spend more and more time with them, however, with the passage of time we start taking them for granted and in due course of time, they fade away from our lives. They don’t cease to exist, for they are there as real as the mountains but we get so used to them and so busy trying out new things that we stop caring for them. And hence, they apparently no longer exist for us until and unless a rude shock brings us back to the reality and with a guilty conscience we again look in their direction and many a times when it is too late to anything for they are gone from our lives forever. So it is better that before a shock awakens us, we ourselves take a positive step and cherish our moments of togetherness. We have to rub our eyes and again gaze in the direction of the mountains with the same surprise and amazement so that they don’t fade away in the distance.

On creativity and artistic stagnation

Creativity is just an external expression of the internal thoughts. A creative person wants to make something as soon as he comes across an idea, the idea might have originated from internal thoughts or as a result of response to an external stimulus. Even the internal thoughts are as a result of some or the other external happening only, for in a sense human body is very much a part of the external environment. As Einstein said environment is everything outside me, every single individual is environment for the other being. And every individual is so linked with the other that he cannot leave behind the impact of others.

Creativity can be in the form of a piece of poetry, or a painting, it can be a garden or a dish cooked in a special way. It is not important what media is used for expression, what is important is the expression. And when piece of art is created, the artist must leave it and move on. He should not linger on or try to change it or destroy it, instead he should take a fresh piece of canvas or paper and start with another masterpiece.

But for being creative, it is essential that one is responsive to the external stimuli and then it is the quality of stimuli that also matters. What is stimulating a person and in what manner is of vital importance. Even the simple, ordinary mundane everyday articles can be a source of great inspiration for an artist.

And talent attracts attention. Many a times, the attention is received at a very early stage of artist’s journey. But unfortunately, talent is, in such cases suffocated by the attention it generates. Many a times, the pressure of performing is so great, that it adversely affects the art. Sometimes, even undue attention is awarded to not so talented individuals, just because of their position in the society, while the really talented ones starve on the streets. Where will creativity go when an individual can barely manage to get his two square meals a day. And attention might even bring pride. And pride is the greatest enemy of the creative spirit. When pride takes roots in the heart of the individual, he stops observing and what was once the source of inspiration becomes the article of contempt. And this slowly leads to the stagnation of the creative spirit. The stagnation can be a result of undue attention, poverty, pride as well as the pressure to perform, that ultimately leads to the creation of repetitive or maybe not so good pieces of art.

So, for creativity to flourish, it is essential that the individual remains pure at heart and continues to see, hear and respond to stimuli and not get affected by the external reactions. He should remain a simple individual, for simplicity evokes the greatest response.