Dilemma

No matter how much I try to forget

Again and again I think of you

Lost deep in your memories

My heart just goes over to you

Feelings left unshared, unexpressed

Find a way to control my mind

Whenever I try to move away from you

It is towards you that my paths do wind

While you shine in the bright light

I am lost fighting my devils inside

While you have all the hopes and joys

All the darkness is on my side

Trying to be free but stuck in the past

The steps I take don’t take me forward

Tangled in the vicious circle

My life just moves ahead and backwards

Going on

With stinging eyes and broken heart,

With hurt that tears me apart,

Full of grief but with a sad smile,

I just move on to cover the mile

You

With a burning desire to be with you, I beg of you to come back to me,

To be with you is all I wish, to be your true love is all I dream

Hoping to walk those fertile lands, to watch the rising sun with you,

To be in your arms when the wild wind blows and the birds scream.

When the mountains are kissed by the first rays of glory,

I want to dream on the dream of hope and beauty,

When innocent hearts are joined together in a prayer of forgiveness,

I want to be a part of the cherished bounty.

When roads are a mere shadow of trees basking in the moonlit glory,

I want to walk down the paths that lead to happy beginnings,

When the innocence of the first snow purifies the hearts,

I want to warm myself and bury myself in a world forgiving.

When the gentle rain trickles down the silvery veins of oaks,

I wish to lie down and soak in the freshness of moist earth,

When the first daisies put out their brave faces towards the world,

I want to be a part of the celebrations, of all the mirth.

Desire

take me, my love, to the cherished land;

the land of peace where we no longer weep:

hold me in your arms to keep me safe;

not afraid to show that feeling so deep.

where none but you can come close to me;

you hold my hand and whisper to me:

and be with me in the everlasting bliss;

even when life's last breath departs from me.

In search of that perfect house

Finding a perfect house is like finding heaven on earth and we also set out in search of that perfection. Visiting different localities, entering various flats that house families, that are willing to leave it for good, or else meeting builders and brokers and taking a look at the model houses became a weekend routine for us.

Somehow, I find it easier to adjust to the atmosphere of a newly constructed house as compared to one which has already housed people for somehow, a house tends to imbibe the characteristics, the traits of the occupants who had made it their home, because although a house has just walls and roof, a home has a personality of its own, a personality which is more or less a reflection of its occupant’s personality that they leave behind as they vacate it. A house more or less speak of the ways of the people, it remembers them and is somehow more loyal to them. Maybe it is easier to pick up a new canvas and start a new painting than to change an existing one.

So there we were, hot and tired on a summer afternoon, visiting new projects, in search of our dream house, liking some, discarding others and at the same time worrying about our finances. Whether to take loan and, if yes, then how much and what about repayment became a dominant question in our minds. Besides it all we also have to see if we approach through a broker, how much he will burn a hole in our pocket.

Though unable to find our dream coming true as yet, we are still hopeful that one day we will find a place that we can call our own and then all our efforts, all our wanderings will be rightly paid off.

Longings

Ah, my love, where have you gone?

Come and listen to my silent prayers

Come and hold me once again

Take me over the rivers and moors

Over the land to the skies above

Or deep, deep down to the ocean's heart

Sing with me our sad, old song

And never again let us go apart

The fading mountains

 

When I moved into my new fifth floor apartment, I was attracted to a sight that moved my senses. The view of mountains from my balcony was enough to give me so much pleasure that I loved to spend more and more of my time in my balcony, sitting, standing, tending my plants or just doing nothing. Then slowly, as the time passed, I got oblivious to my surroundings and the mountains which had so caressed my senses faded away in the distance. Now, when I had some time to think, I realized the significance of the fading mountains, how they seemed farther and farther and became almost invisible. And I understood that it is not just the mountains that faded away from my sight, it’s the same with many other things, whether human relations or material things. When they are new, we spend more and more time with them, however, with the passage of time we start taking them for granted and in due course of time, they fade away from our lives. They don’t cease to exist, for they are there as real as the mountains but we get so used to them and so busy trying out new things that we stop caring for them. And hence, they apparently no longer exist for us until and unless a rude shock brings us back to the reality and with a guilty conscience we again look in their direction and many a times when it is too late to anything for they are gone from our lives forever. So it is better that before a shock awakens us, we ourselves take a positive step and cherish our moments of togetherness. We have to rub our eyes and again gaze in the direction of the mountains with the same surprise and amazement so that they don’t fade away in the distance.

On creativity and artistic stagnation

Creativity is just an external expression of the internal thoughts. A creative person wants to make something as soon as he comes across an idea, the idea might have originated from internal thoughts or as a result of response to an external stimulus. Even the internal thoughts are as a result of some or the other external happening only, for in a sense human body is very much a part of the external environment. As Einstein said environment is everything outside me, every single individual is environment for the other being. And every individual is so linked with the other that he cannot leave behind the impact of others.

Creativity can be in the form of a piece of poetry, or a painting, it can be a garden or a dish cooked in a special way. It is not important what media is used for expression, what is important is the expression. And when piece of art is created, the artist must leave it and move on. He should not linger on or try to change it or destroy it, instead he should take a fresh piece of canvas or paper and start with another masterpiece.

But for being creative, it is essential that one is responsive to the external stimuli and then it is the quality of stimuli that also matters. What is stimulating a person and in what manner is of vital importance. Even the simple, ordinary mundane everyday articles can be a source of great inspiration for an artist.

And talent attracts attention. Many a times, the attention is received at a very early stage of artist’s journey. But unfortunately, talent is, in such cases suffocated by the attention it generates. Many a times, the pressure of performing is so great, that it adversely affects the art. Sometimes, even undue attention is awarded to not so talented individuals, just because of their position in the society, while the really talented ones starve on the streets. Where will creativity go when an individual can barely manage to get his two square meals a day. And attention might even bring pride. And pride is the greatest enemy of the creative spirit. When pride takes roots in the heart of the individual, he stops observing and what was once the source of inspiration becomes the article of contempt. And this slowly leads to the stagnation of the creative spirit. The stagnation can be a result of undue attention, poverty, pride as well as the pressure to perform, that ultimately leads to the creation of repetitive or maybe not so good pieces of art.

So, for creativity to flourish, it is essential that the individual remains pure at heart and continues to see, hear and respond to stimuli and not get affected by the external reactions. He should remain a simple individual, for simplicity evokes the greatest response.