Writing about children

I recently read an article about a mother who used to write about her children, their lives, their experiences from her point of view, till her father's phone call reminded her that they are individuals whose private moments cannot be shared with the public. After the realization that she is sharing their most intimate secrets with the world, facts that may haunt them in the future, she chose to stop writing about her children. It is true for most parents. Often we parade our children, their accomplishments in front of the world at large. We share photographs that might embarrass them as they grew up. we share what they say, what they do, without thinking what they might think. Often we treat our children as our trophies. But they are not our trophies or possessions. They are separate individuals. Their lives, their likes, their achievements are their own. Sure we will and we must feel proud when they succeed and encourage and comfort them when they don't. But their privacy matters and we shouldn't infringe that. When our daughter was born, we simply decided that we will not share her photographs on social media. The reason? She cannot give consent as to which photographs she would like to share and which she wouldn't. Definitely there are various other reasons why a child's photograph should not be shared, including protecting them from kidnappers and pedophiles. But for us, the most important reason was her privacy and the fact that she cannot give her consent. Maybe when she is grown up, she may decide to share her baby pictures, but until then they are kept safe in private.

Whose honor is it?

Every few days the newspapers carry articles on yet another episode of honor killing. Honor killings are termed so as they are a result of the killer's false notion of dishonor due to the victim's life decisions. Generally the killer is a family member or member of the community to which the victim belonged. The murder is a result of the victim marrying or eloping with a person of different caste or religion, working or making life choices that are contrary to the established traditional norms. The killer feels that the victim's actions had brought dishonor to the family or community. The Supreme Court has time and again observed that there is nothing honorable about honor killings, rather they are brutal, barbaric premeditated murders committed by individuals with bigoted minds.
Honor killings are brutal murders committed because of bigoted notions of honor and pride based upon controlling the lives of the members of family or community. They are an attempt to preserve the fallen pillars of patriarchy. Inability to accept a person's life choices, their right to choose their lifestyle or life partner is the reason behind honor killings, making parents or siblings to turn into beasts. They are a result of a false notion that ego is greater than an innocent life.
The victim has not smeared anybody's honor, victims murder is what dishonors the society. The murder is not honorable, it shows the primitive thinking of the killer. Honor killings need to be punished strictly as they are prevalent in almost all sections of society and are often ordered by groups like khap panchayats. Also these are violative of a person's right to choice. Honor killings need to be spoken against of, discussed, debated and ended. The primitive notions of honor based on controlling the lives of family and community members need to be defeated. It's time that individuals get a right to live their life on their own terms instead of the terms dictated by the community.

House hunters

Relocating means house hunt, as simple as that. When we landed in the United States, our first place of residence was in Florida and boy, we were lucky there. We got the most comfortable apartment with the best landlord possible. After leaving Florida, life wasn't as simple. Searching a good apartment became a task impossible. And yes, the whole effort continues to give us valuable lessons about the real estate market.
Our California apartment taught us that we should never take an apartment based upon the model house. This one was a big disaster. Another important lesson learnt was not to sign a lease for more than six months and month to month lease agreements are the best. And living in California also taught us the importance of having a washer and dryer in unit, something which is a rarity in California because of its drought.
Our Texas apartment was nice but again it gave us some minor headaches. We learnt how bad exhaust system and good smoke detector can turn any nice day into a nightmare. Sometimes even a slight smoke in the kitchen can cost you heavy. Thankfully we learnt it from our neighbors' experience without having to undergo the pain ourself. And because of this we realized the importance of renter's insurance, because the sprinklers can destroy that which the fire left.
And our current stop, New York. Searching apartment in the New York-new jersey region is definitely not easy. About New York, I wish to tell the owners to just known down the walls and advertise the place as studio apartments and not as a 1 or 2 bedroom apartment. With those tiny rooms, those apartments are nowhere suited to be called 1 or 2 bedroom home. In New Jersey, it is equally difficult to find a good home, simply because everybody is moving there. The old cities don't appeal, the new ones get too many offers that one has to be really quick or he loses the place.
So till we find a suitable apartment, we continue with our tiring but much important house hunt. Happy house hunting.

Affirmative action

The Supreme Court of the United States recently ruled in the favor of the affirmative action taken by the colleges. The court ruled that affirmative action that takes race amongst other factors as a criteria for granting admission is needed to preserve diversity on campus. They were of the opinion that when all students applying for admission don't come from similar educational background, such an action ensures diversity and an equal representation on campus. However, they were hopeful that maybe in 25 years when everybody gets an equal access to education, there might not be a need for such an action. The case challenged the admission of five black students who scored less than the plaintiff, who got admitted because of their race. However, the girl didn't challenge the admission of 42 other girls who got admitted though they had scored less than her. Affirmative action takes race as one of the factors for admission to colleges. Though the admission process takes into consideration number of factors including academic records, volunteer work, extracurricular activities and so on, they race in itself is a very small factor when taken into account.

Impressions of an artist

I was watching the movie Being Jane, a fictitious take on the life of Jane Austen and her romance. It was the portrayal of an author that had impressed me that prompted me to read about her life. I could see that the events and people from her life were very much a part of her novels. Her love and its loss, the death of her father, the condition of young dependent women during that period, her cousin,  somehow they are all part of her books. Her books are a reflection of the society of her time. The propriety and morality of the period is reflected. Jane Austen is not alone, almost every author's life is reflected in his work. Yes, by reading, one can get a glimpse of the times and places where the author lived and got impressed by. Every artist is made by his impression of the world around him. His experiences act as a chiseling knife that mold his mind. His characters, this lives are all dependent upon his own experiences and how he wants to keep or change them. Traveling, meeting people, the highs and lows in their situation, just enrich their mind and give depth to their characters. Things that have impressed their mind are reflected in their work. By reading their work, one also reads about the feelings of the author, his life, his time and experiences. One isn't thus wrong in saying that the works of fiction are also autobiographical in nature, just the perspective that the writer has preferred to share.

Musings

As I sit and think about
The people who are dead and gone
I think of their possessions scattered
I think of their sons gone away
I ask them in my mind
Where are the castles that you built
Where are your talks and your plans
Where are your triumphs and failures
Your good deeds remain behind you
In somebody's memories today
But if you left behind only evil
Nobody remembers you today
Your sons have gone to live away
Your spouses may have remarried
The world doesn't stop for anyone
And everyone is replaceable
And then I think of the futility
How much this world is a waste
It charms us with its glamour
But one day it will fade away
If I leave behind a good deed
It may benefit me in hereafter
Other than that whatever I do
Will be blotted out forever
If I save my soul with some goodness
I may think of some salvation
But this world is just a trial
To get out of it as safe as I can

End FGM

A young 17 year old has lost her life due to excessive bleeding during an illegal female circumcision in Egypt. While Egypt has made female circumcision illegal way back in 2007, such practices continue illegally even today. Female circumcision is a cultural practice in Africa and some parts of Asia to ensure fidelity of a woman. In some parts it is mandatory before marriage. This cultural practice has forced itself into religion in African countries and is now treated as a religious practice. Female genital mutilation is not a religious practice and has no benefit to any person. It is a tribal practice to keep women under male dominance. Along with the breast pressing practices of Africa, it comes as a false way of dominating a woman and restricting her choices. Female genital mutilation prevents a woman from leading her life to her full potential, adding pain, suffering and increased chances of infections. Though a number of women and activists are coming forward against such barbaric practice, the instant case clearly shows that the law against it is ineffective and it requires greater efforts in preventing it. Even though the particular hospital has been closed, it makes apparent the fact that there might be many other hospitals during illegal procedures. There is a need for greater scrutiny of hospitals and healthcare professionals, of educating young women about their rights and of easy access to law enforcement agencies for preventing such activities. Female genital mutilation is an evil that needs to be curbed by a combined domestic as well as international effort.